This Spring, I was in Round 3 of interviews for a big job and as Whitney prayed about it she heard, "Ryan isn't going to get a job like this until the household is working better." When she told me, I immediately knew it was from God.
Before we got married we sought a lot of counsel including weeks of conversation with Phil Carnuccio and other Godly people. We asked each other hundreds of questions to consider how we fit together. But ultimately, the force that "sealed the deal" was the undeniable way in which the Holy Spirit moved between us.
I'd come to Whitney with a verse that I couldn't shake only to find she had been praying for weeks that I would discover that same truth. She would send me worship songs that would unexplainably reduce me to tears. I remember thinking that one day the reality that we were supernaturally brought together with these clear confirmations will be useful to me because I can never question if I married the right person. Truly, we were joined together by God.
On our wedding day, May 27th, 2012, 12 years ago, we became a three strand cord when God joined Whitney and I together. We knelt together with our closest friends and family at Gracie's 21st Century Cafe and Catering (where we had our first date and got engaged), and we drank the blood and ate the body of Christ as we committed our joined lives to God.
Since then, that bond has been tested many times.
Job changes including moving to one of the most expensive areas of the country (Silicon Valley) to work for a homeless ministry where I was thrown into the deep end of the pool in Church.
Having four children with some challenging recoveries (4 c-sections) largely away from family or anyone to help.
Seasons of prosperity quickly eroded by wild external forces like the pandemic, economic conditions, and even business partner meltdowns.
Neighbors who've damaged our property, mocked us and slandered us, and even barricaded our driveway forcing us to either sue for access to our own home or spend thousands to redo it.
We've also been led to bear the burdens of people around us, people's marriages have rotted with adultery, and those facing addictions and in various stages of recovery.
Many times we did not deal well with these things, we did not turn to God together. But we are so fortunate that we have this self-correcting mechanism that is the Holy Spirit at work in our lives. We know that, in the end, we will turn to God (for where else can we turn?), and we will repent, and we will emerge stronger.
Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
This past year, and even the past 30 days, have presented a sort of breakthrough in our marriage. It was catalyzed by Dustin DeYoe who came to our house recently, in the midst of a crisis, to challenge us, in particular me, to lead in a new way. Whitney agreed with his assessment. I thanked God for the answered prayer that I would have Godly men in my life strong enough in wisdom and discernment to rebuke me.
I began to make small changes, but on Mother's Day this year, another shift happened. God is using this season to prune back our marriage to the basics, God, me, Whitney. I've prayed for a long time that we would be on the same page, and we are getting a season to do that. Every though, action, system, and plan through a triple filter, with no impurity to have its effect any longer. We are purging with a dream of greater holiness.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
Satan hates Godly marriages for the great love and light that they emit, for the many lives they adopt, for the way in which they multiply and train up the youth as arrows in the quiver. This is why so few exist. But above all else, we are committed to this calling on our lives. I would rather live in a hut in the woods with not an accomplishment to my name but a good, Godly, humble marriage with Whitney than have any success or accomplishments, ministry or otherwise.
My marriage is my ministry, and I believe, in faith, we are on the verge of a tremendous season ahead. And I have to give so much credit to Whitney and her inclinations along the way, and her patience with me. Somehow she is just wired for what is pure. Thoughts I have, actions I entertain, would never even enter her mind. Her natural reaction against injustice is swift, she is quick to rescue, mighty to save. This is the love of the Father in her that I saw in her right away which made me think, "she will be a wonderful mother," a thought that I had never had about a woman before. She has grown me and matured me and led me to Jesus more than any person alive and it's not even close. Mark my words, Whitney is a queen with an Esther spirit and she will be held in the highest regard in the age to come. Her worth, in God's eyes, is beyond any riches most of us can imagine. When I fast and pray for her, I always hear, "She is the apple of my eye."
In the Bible, the number 12 means to completion or perfection as well as perfect governance and divine order. In our 12th year, with a great deal of leadership from my dear wife as we seek God anew together, I am expecting big things including:
>More time together in the morning in God's word and getting on the same page about our day.
>Less time looking at screens and more time filling our minds with what is good and holy including nature.
>Taking better care of our fleshly temple, no alcohol, junk food, good sleep rythyms.
>Praying together throughout the day, and over each other at night.
>Quality over quantity in all things, seeing every moment and occasion as gift, looking more closely at the patterns of God's seasons and feasts.
>New ways of being generous and "feeding God's sheep."
>Last but not least, a joyful noise as we teach our kids to sing and praise and worship together and with other families.
I share all this because:
1. we are a work in progress,
2. that work is of utmost priority,
3. we are making wonderful strides,
4. I welcome your accountability and prayer,
5. And last, I pray it inspires your own marriage.
We yearn to see men and women deeply in love in their marriages, serving each other.