Evil in My Heart Exposed!

I'm A Christian aka A Hypocrite

Beating Lust While Traveling

Why Francis Chan Is My Favorite Pastor

When I was first coming into my faith, a guy told me to look up Francis Chan's YouTube videos. The first one I found (just below) had me watching his videos late into the night, very impacted by what he was saying, his emphasis on the profound meaning of Scripture often overlooked, and his sense of urgency.

When I moved to California, I learned that Francis lived in San Francisco, and it wasn't too long before I had a chance to hear him preach in person at a youth event. I realized then that what strikes me most about Francis is his urgency, the man does not want to waste a minute on this Earth. That, and a fear of the Lord, has driven this man deep into his faith, and his teachings have literally changed me as a person.

In November 2013, at the New Canaan Society San Francisco Weekend, Francis was set to speak again. I was eager to hear what he was going to say to a few hundred business guys packed into the opulent Fairmont Hotel atop Nob Hill. Francis looked to be under duress during his talk, he gazed to Heaven, at one point he knelt on the ground in prayer before the men. Here is what he said.

After this talk, I was struck silent. I walked back to my hotel room, not wanting to listen to another speaker or talk to anyone, I just wanted to get on the ground before God in prayer. I wanted to repent that I just keep doing things on my own terms, not surrendering to God the way I know he is calling me to do. As I walked to my room, coming from the other direction was my roommate, Charlie. 

Charlie and I entered the room one after the other, and I don't recall that we spoke a single word to each other. We put our things down, he in his separate room, me in mine. We soon realized we were both about to be on the floor in prayer, and so we joined each other. We called out to God and our prayers sounded similar. We prayed for maybe forty five minutes or so.

As we got up, we recognized there was a reason we were connected through this group, that we were sharing a room, that we both came back to pray. We offered to each other that while we are friends, we really only know about 70% of each other, at best. We agreed that we didn't want to leave this conference, and make nominal changes for a few weeks or months, to return to the same old way of doing things.

We made a commitment right then and there that we would work hard to get to know each other. And, more importantly, we would call each other every day or two to hold each other accountable to reading Scripture and to getting before God in prayer.

Over a year later, Charlie and I still talk a couple times a week at the minimum, pray together, reveal our struggles as much as anything, and encourage each other through life. There are times when we'd rather not reach out for all kinds of reasons, sometimes we are even annoyed at each other, but we both know that our relationship serves a higher purpose, that investing in the other isn't just about us, its about drawing closer to God, and glorifying Him. I think its fairly rare to have these kinds of real relationships among men, but I think when the Holy Spirit moves men get connected in a very strong way in relationships that bear great fruits.

I digressed there a bit into my personal story, rather than about Francis Chan and why he is "Getting It Done." Most recently, I had a chance to have dinner with Francis with about a dozen other guys. We were eager to hear what he's been up to with his "Crazy Love" project in the Bayview section of San Francisco. In a nutshell, Francis decided to start living church with a core group of brothers and sisters that are known by their love and their unity first, and then multiply from there.

He shared over dinner how they had multiplied a couple of times already, he told stories about how Christ's love is being expressed, and the way that everyday men and women are being raised up to teach and make disciples. In fact, Francis says he seldom preaches, since everyone is willing and able to preach and share together.

The question that came to my mind, which I asked Francis, is this, "Are the people who are coming into the church poor?" Francis said that they are. And then the follow-up question, "Can it work among the rich?" This is the million dollar question (ok, pun intended). So many of the disciple making movements that I hear about that have the characteristics of the early church we read about in Acts, people loving and caring for each other and being united, well, it mostly seems to happen among the poor. 

This lead to Francis talking about a project he feels led to, a partnership with a larger church in Silicon Valley called Abundant Life. The elders at Abundant approached him about going "all in" for the kind of love and unity Francis is seeking with Crazy Love. And so, Francis has an opportunity to try "it" on a larger scale, he's come on as an elder and is preaching there periodically. Needless to say, I'm going to be praying for his effort and keeping an eye on the progress for sure. Here is a sermon Francis gave at Abundant Life called "Giving God Our Best."

In closing, I just heard Francis talk, again at the New Canaan Society Conference in San Francisco. And while a good deal of his talk was directed at the men and movement of NCS, his boldness in speaking the truth, in only desiring to please God was evident. And, his message about defining the God we serve from Revelation Chapter 4 has already vastly changed the way I pray. As soon as the video is available, I'll post it here online. 

Don't stop Francis, fly far as on the wings of eagles brother!

I Had to Repent for Theft

But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount."

This is a really hard post to write. 

But I realize that I'm not the only thief in town, and that maybe some good will come out of writing this. The truth is that about a year ago, while in prayer, God showed me a number of people I had wronged. In some cases, I had flat out stolen from a few people. 

An old employer, the boyfriend of a friends roommate in college, a neighbor, a random person in school.

In most of my past I would have justified it our sugar coated that fact in some way. I would have told you that I was wronged and this was taking restitution. Or that I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing. Or that I didn't actually take it, that it was a friend who did it and I was just there. 

Well, God laid it on me heavy, and I started to squirm right there in prayer.

"Oh God, what can I do?" 

It was clear right away what I had to do, I had to confess and ask forgiveness. And I had to pay for what I had done.

I listed the people God had brought to mind on a post-it note. I hid the note, it was such a shameful piece of paper. I didn't have the money to cough up so I did nothing. It stewed in my conscious. Eventually, I relented, there would never be a good time, I would pay the cost no matter what.

I had to research to find the people I had offended, the victims. It wasn't easy, but once I did, I prayed again, "Lord, let their hearts be tender to receive my sincere apology. Please."  I offered to repay whatever was due, let me know the cost. I wrote to a couple on the list, then I anxiously awaited for days. What would happen?

As it turns out, so far, nothing. I literally have not received a single response. One person seems just about impossible to track down short of hiring an investigator. I have resolved that I cannot become stalkerish over something that happened 10 and 20 years ago. And if I get a response or anything else I can act on, any claim of restitution, I will gladly pay it as much as is required, because even though its hard its what I was called to do. 

The God of the Bible calls us to repent of our sins. Zacchaeus-like repentance doesn't mean just saying I'm sorry to God. Or even to your mentor. It means making every effort to pay for the wrongs you have made, and to set up systems to ensure you never do it again.

In my case, I had long ago abandoned the lifestyle that led to these actions and just addressing them head-on again after all this time gave a sense of healing. Though, I do hold out hope that I will be able to pay out to each person that which is due, because I know God works in repentance.